Tips for Better Co-Parenting

After separation, co-parenting can be a difficult matter, especially if there is conflict between you and your former spouse. The most important thing you can do, barring any abuse concerns you may have, is to try, to the best of your ability, to foster a healthy relationship between yourself, your children and your former spouse.

This is important for two main reasons, the first being that it is in the best interests of the children to have a good relationship with both parents. The second very important reason is that courts do not look favourably upon parents who do not foster healthy relationships between their children and their former spouse. If you are seen to be a parent who does not encourage your children’s relationship with your former spouse, the end result may not end up to be a result you like.

We have created the checklist of DO’S and DONT’S below, to assist you when you are making decisions regarding your children in relation to your former spouse.

• DO use your best efforts to work cooperatively and to make parenting arrangements with your children’s best interests at heart. Your children’s needs should be paramount when addressing child-related disputes, conflicts and/or concerns.
• DO encourage your children to enjoy a strong and nurturing relationship with your former spouse. You should make reasonable efforts to actively foster and facilitate your children’s relationship with your former spouse and with members of the other parent’s extended family, if appropriate.
• DO make every effort to keep your children out of your dispute with your former spouse. To this end, you should try not to become angry and/or frustrated regarding the other parent in front of the children, and you should not allow any other person to do so in front of the children.
• DON’T denigrate, criticize or disparage your former spouse and members of their extended family in any communication with the children and/or in the presence and/or hearing range of the children, because the children may find this stressful and parental conflict compromises child adjustment and self- esteem.
• DON’T speak to your children directly or indirectly about specific parental differences and disagreements, including those related to financial issues and parenting arrangements.
• DON’T communicate about issues or other non-emergency arrangements in front of the children.
• DON’T ask your children to relay information from parent to parent. Try to maintain an appropriate, neutral channel of communication in order to share information about the children.
• DON’T engage the children in discussions and questioning about your former spouse’s personal life and activities.

We understand that this is a difficult time, and we hope this will assist you with your parenting dilemmas and answer some of your questions.